Wishful thinking...

(WASHINGTON, D.C.) -- Congress today announced that the office of President of the United States of America will be outsourced to India. The move is being made to save the President's $400,000.00 yearly salary, and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and related overhead the office has incurred during the last 6 years.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost savings should be significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accountability Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by e-mail this morning of his termination. Preparations for the job move have been under way for sometime. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the office of President.

Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due to the time difference between the US and India, he will be working primarily at night, when new offices of the US Government will be open. "Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at the American Express call center, " stated Mr. Singh in an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this position. I always hoped I would be President someday."

A Congressional spokesperson noted that while Mr. Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues involved in the office of President, this should not be a problem since Bush was not familiar with the issues either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a "script tree" that will enable him to respond effectively to most topics of concern. Using these canned responses, he can address common concerns without having to understand the underlying issues at all.

"We know these scripting tools work," stated the spokesperson. "President Bush has used them successfully for years." Mr. Singh may have problems with the Texas drawl, but lately Bush has abandoned the "down home" persona in his effort to appear intelligent and on top of the situation.

Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and salary until his final day of employment. Following a two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240 dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks.

Unfortunately, he will not be eligible for Medicaid as his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed limit. Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a new position due to limited practical work experience. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was suggested due to Bush's extensive experience shaking hands with a phony smile.

Another possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the Texas Air National Guard. His prior records are conspicuously vague but should he choose this option, he would likely be stationed in Waco, Texas for a month, before being sent to Iraq, a country he has visited. "I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr. Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the Baghdad Airport's terminal and gift shop.

Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would receive a warm reception from local Iraqis. They have asked to be provided with details of his arrival so that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.

F as in Fat

Det här hittade jag alldeles nyss på Internytt:

Fetma hotar USA:s ekonomi (28.08.2007 14.05)

I USA är fetma nu ett så allmänt hälsoproblem att landets konkurrenskraft är hotad. Den varningen görs av hälsostiftesen Trust for American Health i en ny rapport. Två tredjedelar av de vuxna amerikanerna och 25 miljoner barn bedöms lida av övervikt eller fetma. Under det gångna året har andelen överviktiga ökat i 31 delstater och inte minskat i en enda, enligt rapporten. Snabbmat och fysisk inaktivitet pekas ut som orsakerna till utvecklingen. Fetma ökar i sin tur risken för exempelvis diabetes, stroke och hjärtsjukdomar med ökade hälsovårdskostnader och lägre produktivitet som följd.

Det fanns en juttu ("Carolinas among worst states in rate of overweight kids") om samma sak i dagens Charlotte Observer. North Carolina har minsann inget att skryta med. Tja, i så fall bara att man är snäppet bättre än South Carolina i vissa delar av undersökningen... I åldersgruppen 10 - 17 år är NC femte (SC är sjunde) värst i hela USA. Som om inte ca. 19% av överviktiga barn är illa nog! Värst är West Virginia, Kentucky och D.C. (högst med 22,8%). Bäst är Utah (8,5%).
Bland den vuxna befolkningen kom NC in på en 17:e plats med närmare 26% av folk som klassificeras som "reaching obesity". SC kom in på en delade femte plats med Tennessee. De flesta feta människorna finns i Mississippi (30,6%) och i Colorado håller man sig smalast (17,6%).

Är tyvärr är jag rädd att samma fenomen sakta men säkert kommer att synnas ännu tydligare hemma i Finland också.

Lokala Norge-vitsar...

Tydligen är det inne här att berätta vitsar om folk från Arkansas. Här kommer några smakprov:

A guy from Arkansas passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it till she's 14.

How do you know when you're staying in an Arkansas hotel?
When you call the front desk and say, "I got a leak in my sink," and the clerk replies, "Go ahead."

How can you tell if an Arkansas redneck is married?
There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.

What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Arkansas .....
Documentaries.

An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-30 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies " 'Bout wut?"

Did you hear about the $3 million Arkansas State Lottery?
(Come on- this is funny!)
The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.

The governor's mansion in Arkansas burned down! Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss too. Both books - poof! up in flames, and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.

A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
"No," replies the man, "I'm from St. Louis."
The bartender looks at him and says, "Well, what do ya do in St. Louis?"
"I'm a taxidermist," said the man.
The bartender, looking very bewildered now, asks, "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist?"
The man says,"I mount animals."
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar..."It's okay boys, he's one of us!"

A new law was recently passed in Arkansas . When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.

Några tankar om hälsosamt liv & leverne

Kom över lite tänkvärda frågor om det här med hälsa...

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!


Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride"

AND......
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Svettigt värre...

Nyss hemkommen från tandläkaren. Kunde inte riktigt ta Valter med, så Tanja var jättesnäll och ställde upp som barnvakt hemma hos oss. Det gick över förväntan! Jag var lite orolig eftersom killen har varit lite oberäknelig den senaste tiden. Den tredje tanden borde snart komma igenom, killen har haft "nursing strike" i 2 dagar, plus att man ska tydligen vråla om mamma mitt i allt försvinner. Också fastän hon hörs... Huh-huh!

Nu har då Valter flyttat till eget rum. Jag har valt att sova på soffan de första nätterna för att vara nära till hands om det så behövs. Det har gått riktigt bra. Han har bara vaknat till lite ibland och inte kunnat hitta nappen, inget större egentligen. Igår kväll sov han dessutom igenom ett riktigt ordentligt åskväder.

Annars är allt OK här med oss på andra sidan pölen. Vi lider fortfarande av en grym värmebölja & torka. Jag tror att det är dag 26 idag. Det pratas om att det ska komma nya stränga regler om vattenanvändning fr o m den 1.9. Ska bli intressant att se om det hjälper. Amerikanerna bara fortsätter att slösa som vanligt, antar jag. Det har de gjort på andra ställen här i närheten.

Tänkte bara visa er ett foto av oss när vi är och shoppar i SouthPark. Valter och hans registerskylt väckte mycket uppmärksamhet. Många tittade och några kom t o m och frågade om den. Häftig eller va? Dessutom fungerar den som reflex.

Hejs-svejs på er! Nu ska jag passa på att äta lite lunch medan killen sover.

PS. Tack för hjälpen & alla goda råd Stina, Nette & Katti!

Häftigt värre

Inte för att jag egentligen är nån direkt bilfantast, men nu har J. visat nåt kul åt mej. Förr brukade vi kolla på Top Gear på BBC World, men nu har vi inte den möjligheten. Det här är ett bra substitut. Kolla in videona på http://www.automotorsport.se/tv/. Speciellt Provkörd: BMW M5 Touring föll mej i smaken...

Something to think about...

Guys, carefully read this text and see if you can learn something...

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Bob. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Debbie. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Debbie to get a full-time job along with her part time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.
Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door.
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit in the sink for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to shop for groceries after working all day. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much.
I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points. When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished cleaning the house. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Debbie. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible!
Nobody! knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

Signed, Bob


EDITOR'S NOTE: Bob died suddenly on May 27th. The police report says that he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club rammed up his butt, with only 2 inches of grip showing. His wife, Debbie, was arrested and charged with murder; however, the all- woman jury found her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that he accidentally sat down on it.

Otroligt fiffigt (...egentligen...)!

Var nyss inne och kollade på den alltid lika roliga Avigsidan. Nu har någon fiffikus kommit på ett alldeles otroligt smart redskap för bloggare med "writer's block". Nu talar jag nämligen om den s.k. bloggeneratorn, som fixar texten åt dej ifall du av nån anledning inte klarar av att producera eget dravel. Värt att kolla in!

PS. Vad tycker ni om bilen vi såg parkerad i Blakeney? Färgen var väl lite udda. Only in America... Skulle ändå vara coolt att åtminstone en gång i sitt liv att åka limo.

I knew it!!!

De som känner mej, vet minsann att jag inte är någon vän av s.k. mycket pedagogiska videon, typ Baby Einstein & liknande crap. Nu har de, dvs några forskare, då kommit fram till vad jag har påstått hela tiden... Har tyvärr bekanta som placerar sin unge framför TV:n timtals varje dag. Det är ju så enkelt! Personligen tycker jag att det är helt vidrigt. Stackars barn! Inte undra på att han är gnällig & krävande för det mesta annars. Ungen vet ju inte hur det är att vara tillsammans med andra människor.

Den här artikeln fanns i dagens Observer:

NOT BOOSTING BRAIN POWER
Videos may not help babies - Researchers tie educational videos to smaller vocabularies

AMBER DANCE (Los Angeles Times)

Parents hoping to raise baby Einsteins by using infant educational videos instead might be creating baby Homer Simpsons, according to researchers. In a study published today in the Journal of Pediatrics, researchers found that, among babies ages 8 to 16 months, every hour spent daily watching programs such as "Brainy Baby" or "Baby Einstein" translated into six to eight fewer words in their vocabularies as compared with other children their age.
The makers of the videos have sold hundreds of millions of dollars' worth to parents aiming to put their babies on the fast track.Unfortunately it's all money down the tubes, according to Dr. Dmitri Christakis, a professor of pediatrics at the University of Washington in Seattle.
Christakis and colleagues surveyed 1,000 parents in Washington and Minnesota. They determined the babies' vocabularies using 90 common baby words, including mommy.
The researchers found that 32 percent of the babies watched the videos; of those, 17 percent watched more than an hour a day, according to the study.
The videos, designed to engage a baby's attention, hop from scene to scene with minimal dialogue and include mesmerizing images. Christakis said children whose parents read to them or told them stories instead had bigger vocabularies."I would rather babies watch `American Idol' than these videos," Christakis said, explaining that there was at least a chance that the parents would watch with them, giving the babies contact and perhaps interaction that would have developmental benefits.The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends no television for children younger than 24 months.
The Brainy Baby and Walt Disney, which markets the "Baby Einstein" videos, did not return calls Monday.

Finns det någon annan där med liknande eller avvikande åsikter?

Lite ett och annat

Killen han då bara växer och växer. I förra veckan torsdags vägde han redan 9,38 kg (20 lb 10 oz)... Inte undra på att folk frågar vad jag matar honom med! Hittills duger nästan vad som helst, förutom formula och potatis är inte heller nån större favorit.

Ute är det närmare 100F. I skuggan utanför vårt vardagsrumsfönster visar det just nu, dvs kl. 13.30, hela 36,6C. Puh! Talade med Jonas alldeles nyss. Lamporna blinkar till på kontoret allt emellanåt, eftersom elnätet är så hårt belastat. Försöker dra mitt strå till stacken och släcker och stänger av allt onödigt.

Någon kanske kommer ihåg att jag skrev här tidigare i somras att jag höll på att stiga på en orm när vi var ute på kvällspromenad i Thornhill. Kollade lite på nätet vad för sorts jätteläbbigt kräk det var fråga om och kom fram till att det antingen var en copperhead eller en cottonmouth. Eventuellt kunde det ha varit en banded water snake. Skrämmande i vilket fall som helst. Vill ni bli ännu mera äcklade, så läs den här artikeln från Charlotte Observer:

4-FOOT-LONG PYTHON SINKS TEETH INTO TODDLER

Christine Abdelmonem wanted her 15-month-old son to get a better look at the ducks waddling nearby in Freedom Park, so she lowered him to the ground. Before Adam's feet touched the grass, she felt a sharp tug. Wrapped around her son's leg was a ball python. She could see the snake, at least 4 feet long, biting Adam on the leg. Without thinking, she yanked the snake away and screamed for help. Two maintenance workers rushed over. One tried to kill the snake with a shovel and ended up trapping it in a bucket, said Karla Thornhill of Mecklenburg Park and Recreation.
Adam was taken to Carolinas Medical Center. He was fine Tuesday, a day after the attack, walking around the southeast Charlotte apartment where he lives with his mom and dad.
He has bite marks on his leg. The bite of a ball python isn't poisonous.
Abdelmonem remembers crying when paramedics asked her about the snake. "I didn't know they bit and I didn't know if they were poisonous," she said. "I felt like a bad mother."
She had brought Adam to Freedom Park south of uptown for a picnic. They were sitting under an oak tree at the lake's edge when they saw the ducks. Adam had just learned how to say "quack, quack," so she wanted him to get a better look. "I've been there all my life," she said, "and I've never seen a snake there."
Thornhill, of the park department, said she could not recall another incident where a snake bit a person at Freedom Park, although she said nonpoisonous black snakes have been seen there.
The Charlotte Nature Museum confirmed the snake was a ball python, Thornhill said. Carnivorous snakes native to Africa, they curl into a ball when threatened and kill their prey - including rats and young chickens - by constricting it.
John Calchera, owner of Pineville Pets, took in the snake. He thinks it may have been abandoned by a pet owner. He said he doesn't think the snake will survive being beaten by the shovel.
"It's a totally harmless thing," he said. "Why attack a harmless thing?"
Looking at Adam toddling happily around the apartment, it's hard to believe anything happened, his mother said. He cried while the snake was on him, but recovered surprisingly fast. "When I pulled it off, he was fine," she said. "I wasn't."

About Ball Pythons
Found near water in open forests and savannas of Africa. Females can reach up to 6 feet long. Generally well-mannered and curls into a ball if threatened. Constricts its food, which includes rats and young chickens. Ball pythons are legal as pets in Mecklenburg County, as are any non-venomous snakes under 50 pounds. Animal advocates caution that some exotic pets, while cute when young, can become difficult and time-consuming to care for as they grow.

SOURCE: The Discovery Channel, Charlotte-Mecklenburg Animal Control

Elspararhälsningar, Ullis (plus Valter under stolen).

PS. Valter hälsar: "Vem behöver baby gym, när det finns skrivbordsstolar och mammas fötter att krafsa på?"

Tillbaka i Charlotte

Nu är vi då tillbaka här i Charlotte, "hemma", antar jag att man kan kalla det. Hemresan gick förvånansvärt bra med tanke på Valters tänder. Nu kan han stolt visa upp 2 tänder i mitten på nedre käken. Mera är väl på kommande...

I förra veckan var vi på 6-månaderskoll. Killen vägde 9,1 kg (20 lb) och var 71 cm (28") lång. Han är en s.k. 90 procentare, dvs 90% av bebisarna är mindre än han. Vaccinationerna gick också bättre den här gången. Nästa officiella koll är vid 9 månaders ålder & då som tur är inga shots att uthärda.

Nu gäller det minsann att montera baby gaten, så att avkomman inte går och rullar ner för trappan. Han försöker krypa, men det lyckas inte ännu. Dock har han kommit på hur man backar. Dessutom kommer han lite vart som helst med att rulla. Nu när jag skriver hade jag placerat honom i baby gymet på golvet bakom mej. Undrade mitt i allt vad det är som krafsar på mina tår. Minsann, är det inte sonen som helt plötsligt befinner sig under min skrivbordsstol och är mycket intresserad av mitt röda nagellack?!?

To be continued...